I haven’t posted in a while. I have been having a struggle that I think is real for many. Through my BLOG I didn’t want to advertise products but instead inspire others. I get asked so many questions about beauty products. My goal was to share the knowledge and experiences that I have with hair/makeup and show people that its not above them, its not too hard. I wanted people to see they were able to discover and learn things they thought were out of touch or ONLY FOR CELEBRITIES. But this Blog post is still meant to inspire but not through a product or technique. If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook or Twitter, you will have seen my posts about my struggle with my health and weight for some time. About 2 months ago I had felt better then I ever have in over 8 years. I knew what I had been doing was not working. My health was getting a little better but something was missing. I kept PUSHING and FORCING myself to workout harder. I thought the more I killed myself in workouts it would show and I would finally be healthy and thinner. But I took a step back and looked at my situation from a different angle.
I had recently watched a few videos from the AMAZING Kandee Johnson. She said some things in her video that made me cry. She always says things like you are more beautiful then you know and you are more amazing then you think. And it made me really sit back and start thinking about how I have been talking to myself and how I have been viewing myself. I was killing myself at working out because I was mad at myself. I was mad because I felt like a failure. Who works out this much and never has anything to show for it?!! Things like: You’re fat. You’re huge. You’re a pathetic loser. You have done nothing with your life. Your last 8 years has been wasting on NOTHING. I also have the ringing of things that were said to me growing up. Things like: You will always be the BIG girl. You will never be skinny. Are you in an XXL now? They should put one of those blinking and beeping lights on you when you back up so people know to get out of the way. I was also nicknamed “TINY” in early Junior high curtsey of my brother. And all of his friends called me that to my face. So you can see where there is this round and round talk in our heads that sticks with us. If we listen long enough we begin to talk to ourselves like that. We begin to put ourselves down. And the self talk gets so negative…. but I stopped.
And I sat back and thought more about this. Alot of my health problems were also related to stress. I thought about how much more stress and negativity I was putting out there around myself by talking my self down or beating myself up. I never realized that I have to be ok and happy with myself first before I could begin to lose weight and regain my health. Totally cliche’ but you have to truly internalize it. All this negativity was coming back at me. As forceful as I would let it out, it would come back 100 times harder to hurt me. The struggle was real. After listening to a few videos from Kandee and hearing over and over her accepting words. I let go of the anger and resentment I had for myself. I swear it was a heavy blanket that melted off of me. I began to look at things differently. I was happy to go to work. I was happy to just get out of bed. I scaled down my workouts and started doing some Yoga. I had drained my adrenals and needed to take it slow. The less stress in any way was the best approach. In one month my health SOARED!! I was losing weight and fitting into clothes I hadn’t been able to in years! I went for a check up with my Naturopath. And she was almost in tears at the difference in me. She said my health was sooo much better then she had seen in ANY of her clients this year. I had literally turned myself around.
My husband and I went away and I wasn’t self conscious or worried I would be sick the whole time. I actually was able to settle down, relax and enjoy myself. It had been A LOOOONG time since I was able to to that.
My husband is in a touring band and right after our one day get away we were in a mad rush to get him ready for tour. He would be gone this time for 3 weeks. I was ok for the first few days, but with Rick gone I didn’t sleep. When I don’t sleep my anxiety sky rockets…. and this is where everything that I had reversed started slowly coming back. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I wasn’t stopping myself from the destructive inner self talk. I was letting statements manifest verbally from me. After about 2 months back into this downward spiral, I realized why this happened to me again. I realized the one thing I was missing to truly get my health back…. GRATITUDE! Now I was happy about myself, my life, my husband and my job. But I forgot to be Thankful. You may think I am crazy, that is fine. But once you write down what you are thankful for, OR say Thank you before you even get out of bed your life will change. You attitude will change. When you are in the state of thankfulness or gratitude you can not be unhappy, you cannot be negative and you cannot be stressed. There is no room for it. They can not coexist in you at the same time. As soon as I flipped that switch, I felt a change. My stomach was sooo bloated for about a month now. I didn’t know why, but as soon as I flipped the switch, my stomach eased up. I actually slept and woke up rested. My job didn’t stress me out. And I had the energy to start going for walks again instead of verbally saying over and over I am tired.
I just want others to be inspired. To look at their lives and be thankful. That is where change starts. You can not change or bring about the future you want unless you start there. Once your heart and your energy have been shown what is amazing in your life right now… not what you used to have or not what you should have… But when you just look around you and are thankful for what you have in your life.